Since about a month after my divorce I've been standing on Gods promises and waiting in hope for the restoration of my marriage. I keep asking why not today. Just bring him home now. But the answer always seems to be no. Not today. And so four years and four months to the day after my divorce was final I'm still standing.
In the beginning I thought if I did everything right then God would answer my prayer. So I tithed 10%, I served, I worshipped, I read my bible, I prayed, and I forgave my husband. I lost weight, I cleaned the house, I did everything right that I could. But still nothing. So after a while of doing all the right things I got mad at God. I got mad at friends and I turned away from them all. I stopped tithing, stopped serving, stopped worshipping, reading and praying. I just thought it really didn't matter at all. I decided that I could be content without any of it. But after a while I realized I had lost my joy. I had lost the peace which came from abiding in Him. I began to realize that sometimes the journey isn't about the end result as much as it is about the path you take to get there. Ultimately the result is what brings God the most glory but there are so many more opportunities for obedience in the middle of the journey. That is the part that we need to grow into the people that God has called us to be. To sharpen and strengthen our character.
So I wait with expectation. Knowing that God has called me to stand for the healing of my marriage. He has given me the grace and the peace with which to stand. It is not of my choosing but I fully believe it is His choice for me. I pray for my husband (yes I still call him my husband for we made a covenant before God and I have not and will not break that vow until one of us departs in death.) I pray for the love we had that it would be rekindled yet even more than it ever was before. That our hearts would become one in The Lord and that He will be glorified because of it. I cannot express how fully I believe that this will come to pass. It's just a knowing deep inside that I cannot change and it gives me such great peace that I know it is from The Lord. What has happened to bring us to this point doesn't matter and has been forgiven and forgotten. It only matters because it makes us better in the long run. Timing is at Gods discretion and I have promised to stand for the duration even if it never comes to pass. I disobeyed God once and suffered the consequences of a broken marriage, I don't think I can stand to disobey Him again.