Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I'm Movin' On

My daughter and I went shopping this weekend and we were talking about Father Daughter dance songs for her wedding, which is in March and that's another story altogether! Rascal Flatts was mentioned and it reminded me of the song "I'm Movin' On." When I was first divorced this song really jumped out at me. The opening lines of the song grabbed my attention and started me thinking about my own life.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on.
Have I dealt with my ghosts and faced my demons? I feel like I have but every now and then they start creeping back in and I feel the rejection, the bitterness, and the anger of when my husband first told me he wanted out. Of when I found out there was someone else involved and how much rage I felt inside? How do you get rid of those feelings for good? Will I ever be content with a past I regret? Or will I ever be at peace with myself?
I do find myself shouldering the burden of not holding my marriage together. I know that I could have done more, should have done more, and should have said less. Loved more, and argued less. But is it necessary to find blame for every wrong?
One thing I do know is that you do find strength in moments of weakness. You just dig deep and keep on going. It's hard but one day you will find it easier to move.
I think that part of my problem with weight and food is the emotional comfort that I get from sweets. I've thought about that and my mom would always have sweets at our house. Not just for special occasions but every day we had desserts. This would be my comfort food. Even now I find myself running to the pantry when my emotions are out of control.
What I've learned is that finding peace with yourself comes through first finding peace through Christ. I really can't explain it and I can't tell you anything that would make you understand. But I pray that you may experience the peace of Christ yourselves. For only then are we able to move on and make peace with our past.
Scripture says that the old is made new. Forget the former things, put off all that hinders, and run the race set before us.
Through Christ alone do I find that I'm able to move on.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A New Year

I'm so glad this is a new year.  The last three months of 2012 went by in a whirlwind of confusion, fear, doubt, concern and exhaustion.  I found myself faced head on with a family member in crisis for whom I was the primary caregiver and it was all I could do to hold on as the tide turned rapidly worse. Things are much better now but still it is a daily battle and I have no idea what the future holds.  I'm praying that God will shine some light on the situation so that I and my family member will have understanding and strength to overcome and ultimately a transforming testimony to the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ.

In thinking about what to post tonight, I was going over the word obedience in my mind.  Some people see obedience as a negative, a sort of handcuff to keep them from doing enjoyable things.  To me obedience is the key to developing some very positive habits.  Obedience to health and fitness commitments, to spiritual growth, to family relationships, and to work.  So in starting this new year, I hope to make new commitments to be daily obedient to the things that are good for me.